Here is an excerpt from my latest blog post. To see the entire article click here:


“The following are ways I keep my self-defensive mechanism in check:
1.) Assess the other person’s body language and tone

2.) Try to understand exactly what others are saying

3.) Investigate by asking specific questions with a non-threatening intent

4.) Actively listen

5.) Take notes

6.) Seek advice—not gossip—from a knowledgeable, trusted person such as a pastor, counselor, or other individual who is not related to the situation

7.) Assess the situation in retrospect—weigh pros, cons, morals, and ethics

8.) If needed, readdress the issue with the person of interest at a later date if the topic is still valid

*9.) If all else fails, walk away before regrettable words are uttered—you can always apologize later for the unusual disruption of walking away

10.) When your self-defense mechanism begins to activate, think of a key word or phrase that will help you stay focused on the goal of remaining calm; my key phrase is “What has happened in your life to make you react this way?”

11.) Practice, Practice, Practice. You need to practice activating your phrase until it is second nature. Other areas to practice are: seeking advisement, respecting others, respecting yourself by maintaining dignity

12.) Relax by doing healthy things that make you feel good about yourself (e.g. exercise, sports, write, read, scrap booking, meditate, auto mechanics, motor bikes).

13.) When the stressor is a situation, tell yourself that “it’s temporary and I will live.”

14.) Above all, when the stressor is a conflicting person see him or her as a vulnerable person. Just. Like. You.”
See you at!

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